i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
