had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
