I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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