one might say we're banned from that church
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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