PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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