Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
