I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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