His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
