I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i drank out of a bidet.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
