The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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