you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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