i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
