why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize