Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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