well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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