I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
