it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
