I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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