Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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