If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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