i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
