Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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