Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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