better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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