I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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