I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Are we still banned from the library?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
