so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
