I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
