I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
