How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
