I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
