he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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