NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize