This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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