He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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