my sisters under your porch take her home
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
