Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
More tranny stories later!
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
