my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
