bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
