watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Text me some of your sweat
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
