mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
