peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
