my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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