drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
