Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
