I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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