Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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