Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
