if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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