I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
