I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
