So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize