woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
