Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
