tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize