I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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