i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
