I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
