I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
