it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
if only i could text you this smell
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
