I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
