god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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