Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
