he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
