My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
