If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It was like giving head to a cactus.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
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