No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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