Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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