My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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