Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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