I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
