I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
