I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
