I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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