That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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