looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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