why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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