Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
