umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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