Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
