so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
