Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I wish my penis had an off switch
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
