So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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