I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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